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Sunlight Through Glass

To: Captain Windowbeard,

The Glass Pearl

Subject: Sleep deprivation among nightshift crew due to excessive sunlight.

I write to you on behalf of the entire nightshift crew of the Glass Pearl, to address a pressing issue that has been affecting our well-being and ability to perform our duties effectively. Due to the nature of our ship’s structure, consisting entirely of glass window panes, we have been experiencing severe sleep deprivation, as we are unable to sleep during our required daylight hours.

The bright sunlight penetrates the glass, illuminating our sleeping quarters and making it nearly impossible for us to rest properly in our hammocks. As a consequence, our performance during nighttime shifts has been significantly hindered. A sleep-deprived crew poses a variety of risks, including reduced alertness, impaired decision making and the potential for accidents.

We understand that the purpose of the ship’s glass construction is to facilitate surveillance of the crew. However, we believe a compromise can be reached that maintains your oversight while also allowing the night shift crew to sleep more comfortably.

We propose seeking out professional office window tinting services in Melbourne – our next port of call – from a business that would be willing to work on a pirate ship. Instead of tinting the entire ship, we suggest applying the darkest legal tint on the ship’s exterior, with frosted window film applied to select portions of the ship, specifically the sleeping quarters. This would maintain a level of transparency for surveillance purposes, while also providing much-needed respite from the sunlight for the night shift crew.

The application of window frosting by a Melbourne tinting company will not only improve the crew’s ability to rest during daylight hours but also enhance their performance and safety during nighttime shifts. Moreover, this compromise will demonstrate your consideration for the crew’s welfare, boosting morale and fostering loyalty among your ranks.

We kindly request your evaluation of this proposal and eagerly await your decision on the matter.

Yours sincerely,

Crewmember Nocturna

The Glass Pearl

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Buyer’s Agent Five

As a young professional looking to invest in my first property, I quickly realised that the real estate market was highly competitive and challenging to navigate. With limited knowledge and experience, I knew I needed expert guidance, and that’s when I turned to the best buyer’s advocacy Melbourne had for help.

I had my eye on the prestigious suburb of Armadale, known for its charming streets lined with Victorian-era homes and vibrant shopping and dining scene. However, finding the right property within my budget was proving to be a daunting task. That’s when I decided to enlist the services of the best buyer’s advocate Armadale had, recommended by a friend who had a successful experience working with them. From the moment I contacted the buyers advocate in Armadale, I knew I was in capable hands. They took the time to understand my investment goals, preferences, and budget. They conducted thorough market research and provided me with a shortlist of properties that matched my criteria. Their local knowledge and insights into the Armadale property market were invaluable in helping me make informed decisions.

With their assistance, I attended property inspections and received expert advice on the pros and cons of each property. When I finally found a property that I loved, my buyer’s advocate sprang into action. They conducted a comprehensive analysis of the property’s value and guided me through the negotiation process. Their negotiation skills and strategic approach helped me secure the property at a fair price, with favourable terms and conditions. Throughout the due diligence process, my buyer’s advocate provided meticulous attention to detail. They reviewed the contract of sale, conducted building and pest inspections, and liaised with the seller’s agent on my behalf.

Their expertise and thoroughness gave me peace of mind knowing that my investment was protected. In the end, I successfully purchased my first property in Armadale, thanks to the guidance and support of my buyer’s advocate. Their professional service, market knowledge, and commitment to my best interests were evident at every step of the process. I was thrilled with the outcome and couldn’t have done it without their expertise.

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Heating for Cold

The cold had seeped into my bones. It was one of those days where no matter how many layers you put on, you still felt like you were freezing from the inside out. I wasn’t sure how much longer I could take it.

I had always prided myself on being able to handle the cold. After all, I grew up in a place where winters were long and brutal, but something about this particular day had me beat.

I tried to shake the chill from my body, but it was no use. That’s when I remembered that I had been meaning to get my gas heating system serviced. Maybe it was time to call in the experts.

I looked up the most recommended ducted heating service. Canberra had a few with great reviews. I called them up and explained my situation. They were able to schedule an appointment for the same day, which was a relief.

When the technician arrived, he was friendly and professional. He quickly got to work inspecting my gas heating system and making adjustments where necessary. It was clear that he knew what he was doing, and I felt confident that he would get my heating system up and running in no time.

As he worked, we chatted about the importance of gas heating. Canberra is cold, and you’d be silly not to have some sort of heating system in place. I saw how cold I was during the days my heater was broken.

In the end, my heating system was running like new. The technician had even made some tweaks that improved its efficiency. I felt the warmth start to spread through my body, and I knew that I had made the right decision in calling for help.

With the chill banished from my bones, I was able to go about my day with a newfound sense of energy. I even went for a walk outside and breathed in the crisp, cold air without feeling like I was going to freeze.

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Not car obsessed

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

You know how some people are totally car obsessed? Their car is their pride and joy. They’ll spend money decking it out with cool seat and steering wheel covers, air fresheners, and multiple other accessories. Do you know some like that? Well, I’ll tell you what. That person is definitely not me. I couldn’t care less about my car. As long as it can get me from A to be, I’m happy. I’ll even go as far as to admit that I even ignore when my car makes strange noises. I figure, it’s not a real human or a living thing so who cares. Perhaps this attitude has come back to bite me now because I’ve noticed my lights aren’t very bright or vibrant in the dark. I didn’t think this mattered, until one day I pulled into my friend’s driveway and they pointed out my lights. 

Personally, I didn’t think having dim lights were an issue but apparently they’re a huge safety hazard? Who would’ve thought! My friend also told me that you can actually get in trouble for driving without proper lights at night. I guess I’ll need to go ahead and book an appointment with the most recommended Milperra mechanic. As I’m so disinterested in cars I had no idea where to find a mechanic, so I figured I’d look online and find one that had great reviews.

While driving to the mechanic, I could not stop thinking about how one small problem could be greater than it seemed. A whole heap of online research told me that this looked like an issue associated with a faulty alternator.

I visited the best auto electrician near me to get my lights sorted and I’m glad I did. It turns out a faulty alternator is a lot more serious than I thought. Not only does it affect my lights, but also my battery and overall car performance. Never did I think such a minor issue could have a great impact on my car’s safety and performance.

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Tattoo Created Arena

It was going to be a magnificent arena. Lorenzo was sure of it. With his tattoo magic, he would craft a place so incredible that the elites would flock here for brilliant entertainment like moths to a flame. Little did they know, they would be the gladiators out in the centre, fighting for their lives.

There was no doubt that this plan would work to perfection. After all, one thing the elites of the city lacked was entertainment. They’d take any opportunity to have a bit of fun. That was the brilliance of Gideon Nightshade’s plan. Infiltrate their homes, lure them away, and then cause the complete collapse of elite society.

Lorenzo worked almost absent-mindedly, sitting atop a large hill, overlooking the stadium he built with the magic infused in his tattoos. The ink he’d once gotten from a tattoo shop close to Brisbane had long ago faded, now replaced by Gideon’s new tattoo artist. The intricate designs were chosen specifically for this task, every inch of his body covered runes that gave the power of geomancy and metallurgy, allowing him to build a magnificent stadium using only his mind.

Sometimes, Lorenzo did miss that old tattoo shop he used to frequent, back on the surface. The one with the Japanese tattooist Brisbane residents could trust with their lives. But life had moved on, particularly because the surface was no longer habitable. He served Gideon now, for the man had given him a new chance at life in the underground.

It hadn’t always been easy, given the things he’d had to do. Lorenzo did enjoy the irony, however, that despite how much Gideon hated Lorenzo’s tattoos, he always had a use for them. Gideon’s plans would never succeed if not for the ink across Lorenzo’s body.

The project would take weeks and several new tattoos, Lorenzo knew. He’d be exhausted by the end of it, building an entire stadium on his own, but it would be worth the time and effort in the end.

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Hardware and Wallpaper

Mavis hadn’t ever expected to be decorating the walls of a hardware store, but here she was. As she paced around the building, extending her arm and releasing her magic onto the walls, she realised that this job was going to take quite a while. Perhaps that was why it was paying in so many elite tokens.

Then again, she couldn’t quite shake the feeling that there was something more sinister going on that she wasn’t aware of. She had to keep alert, in case anything changed.

Although the assignment had said to make it pretty, Mavis figured that perhaps calming was a better aesthetic for a place like this. She chose a soft blue with a very subtle flower motif, transforming the walls with every step. How exactly her magic worked, she wasn’t sure. All she knew was that she had to concentrate hard, otherwise the new wallpaper wouldn’t be a consistent design. And on a job like this, she hated to think what would happen if she managed to screw it up.

When she was done, this was going to be the greatest hardware store in the Cheltenham area, although there wasn’t much – if any – competition. In fact, Mavis suspected that this hardware store was actually located right on the border of Cheltenham and Hampton, so it would probably be the best one in both suburbs.

Oh, she could see it now. People would come here, looking to buy timber supplies. Cheltenham would come highly recommended due to its beautiful store, so people would stroll in and be awed by how calming the walls were. As they left with their timber and tools they’d ask the checkout employee who created such fabulous wallpaper, but it would be a mystery. The employees would say that the artist is unknown, the installer simply a phantom who brought life back to this abandoned building.

Yes, that was how it would go. She could imagine it no other way.

Assuming that’s what her mysterious employer wanted to do with this place. 

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Gnome Plumbing Management

Plumbing in Gnome town is no joke. The kind of stuff I see in sewers and drains here is quite unbelievable. Probably the strangest thing I’ve ever encountered was when I went to a young gnome wizard’s house, who said he was having troubles with his bathtub. When I went into the bathroom, I was shocked to discover that there was no bath—just a drain! The young wizard then explained that he had accidentally shrunk his bathtub and gotten it stuck down the drain, which was what he needed help with. Now that’s something you don’t see outside of the Magical Region of Victoria, which both Gnome Town and Magical Gardens are part of.

We get weird requests all the time, so I’m starting to think my boss should be looking into some trade job management software, honestly. Every day, we go to work and he’s struggling to give us all the right assignments. Today I was like “bro, just get some software to take care of this stuff”, but he insists that he can handle it. He definitely can’t handle it, but he’s a stubborn old gnome. Forman O’Gorman believes that he could stop a building from falling over with his mind if he thinks hard enough, so he’s never going to admit that he can’t take care of some job assignments. I’ll keep trying, though. If anyone knows of a business offering plumbing job management software in the Melbourne area, please tell me about it. I don’t think I can take much more of this chaos.

So, before I wrap up, do you want to know about another crazy job I once had? I need a break from ranting about job management programs. Basically, I once went to this guy’s house to clean his drains. He was being pretty coy about what had caused the issue, so I used my drain camera to figure it out. Turns out that his familiar, a small blob cube, had crawled down the drain and gotten stuck there! I guess the guy was too embarrassed about losing his familiar to admit it.

Anyway, I’m out!

– Draino

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Switching From Accounting

Okay, so I’ve been having a big think about what I could do if I were to change my career, and I think I’ve finally settled on something I like. If I decide to stop being an accountant, I’m going to go to the Supervillain Training Academy and become a scientist. Now, I know what you’re thinking. A scientist? It seems like everybody is a scientist these days. Frankly, though, I don’t care. I love the thought of being a  scientist who tries to take over the world. The alternative is that I stay on this path in life and become something like an outsourced CFO. I know that works for my dad, but I really think it’s just not for me. I can be more in this life. I can be an evil scientist. I’m going to be an evil scientist. There’s nothing you can do to stop me!

When I think about the idea of having a nemesis—some goody-two-shoes superhero—I get really excited. How awesome would it be to have epic battles that are constantly appearing on the news? He would win some, I would almost win others. We’d have a great rivalry and ultimately really respect each other deep down. Doesn’t that sound cool? Cooler than being a small business tax accountant in the Melbourne area, at least. 

Don’t get me wrong, I love doing taxes as much as the next person. I love managing payroll systems and making sure that my coworkers get paid. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that. But deep inside, I know that I would be happier as a scientist. I think I just have to be true to myself and go for it, even if others think I’ll be ruining my life. If I end up behind bars for a scheme, at least I will have lived my free years to the fullest. 

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Stanley’s Video Parable

Good morning, Stanley. Are you ready for another day of pushing your button?

“What? Who said that? Are you a ghost?”

I am not a ghost, Stanley. I am your narrator. Right now, you are sitting in your chair, ready for another simple day at work. It’s a simple job you have, pressing a single button over and over again, but it carries a great deal of weight. For without pressing that button, a local video production company, near Melbourne, would cease to exist.

“Wait, nobody ever told me that. Are you sure, Mr Ghost? They just told me to press this button without giving me a reason but promised to pay me really well to do it. Then again, my salary was never made clear, and I’m yet to see a paycheck even though I’ve been working here for five years. Maybe I shouldn’t press the button today. Who cares if the random local 2D animation company can’t produce videos? I don’t! I’m not pressing it!”

Stanley pushed the button, as he had done every day before then.

“No, I didn’t!”

Yes, you did.

“Listen here, Mr Ghost, I don’t know what kind of sick game you’re playing, but it makes no difference to me whether videos get made or not. Does my job help with post-production services? Does it help this company with creating particle effects? I have no idea because nobody has ever told me. So, until I get a paycheck and some more information, I am not doing anything.”

Stanley continued pushing the same button over and over again, as he was contractually obligated to do. He most certainly did not get up, leave his cubicle and begin exploring the abandoned office, wondering what had happened to everyone. No, indeed it was just a regular day at the office, filled with regular people. Nothing out of the ordinary was going on at all.

“You’re weird. I’m out of here.”

And so, Stanley pushed the button once more.

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Back problems

I’d say that I first started noticing a decline in my mobility ten years ago. It was a very subtle decline that I suspected was normal. Over the last two years, however, I have noticed that this decline was becoming rapid. I tend to now have very sore knees and a stiff lower back, day in and day out. I’ve even had to retire from work. This job involved a lot of standing at cash registers, and it probably contributed to the fatigue in my legs. Now that my back and knee pain is so excruciating I had to quit my job. I guess at my age it’s not untypical to retire now. I wish it was only my work life that was affected. This pain is really affecting all aspects of my life. For example, the other day I was trying to get into the bath and I couldn’t. I just couldn’t lift my leg high enough to ease myself into the tub. I basically had to let myself fall in. This was a really depressing day when I realised this was the case. I felt old and useless. My daughter recommended that I look into an easy step bathtub conversion as that’s what her husband’s parents have recently had installed. Basically, the conversion involves cutting in a point of easy access into the bathroom so I can walk into the tub rather than having to struggle while lifting my legs. 

I do think this bathtub modification is a good idea and definitely a path I need to go down. For the moment, I absolutely dread bath time because I know I will spend ten minutes trying to safely get into the bath, and ten minutes trying to get myself out. At present, I’m also causing a lot of strain for myself trying to do these movements. There are a few bath modification specialists in the Sydney CBD which I plan to speak to this week to get a quote. The cost of the installation is the least of my worries though as I know this is something I need.