Category: Pests

I have a pretty comprehensive list of rules for dating, which I think really does help to keep the heartbreak to an absolute minimum. Comprehensive guidelines and plenty of open dialogue: that’s the secret to romance, in my humble opinion.

For example, I’m afraid I just can’t see myself settling down with a girl who sees a mouse and treats it like World War III has descended upon the house. This isn’t a cartoon from the 1950s; it’s real life, and that mouse will not hurt you. I don’t want to find a girl, settle down to a happy married life, get a house in Mornington and then come home one day to find the Mornington pest control people swarming all over the house because my life partner couldn’t stand the sight of a little furry critter.

That’s the rule. That’s…the joy. Dealing with simple pests ourselves will be what makes our marriage stronger, along with that part where we but a fixer-upper and fix it up together. And look, I shan’t be silly about the whole thing. If we need to lift the roof on with a crane, we shall get a crane. If we find the walls and roof infested with termites, we shall get people who know the termite inspection industry to help us out. But I just think the foundation of a marriage should be a home, and if you make and/or improve the home by yourself, it’s like you’re LITERALLY building your marriage. And when you get rid of a bunch of insects, it’s like you’re LITERALLY getting rid of the pests that invade a healthy relationship. And I guess, sometimes, the Mornington termite inspection people can help you out…it’s not like a marriage is an island. But I’d like the rule to be that we take strides to establish a healthy base. I’ve made too many mistakes to screw up the next one…

-Dave

Movie making takes so much…stuff. You need money, people to do all the jobs (of which there are many) and after all that, you need to let people know about it. How do people even get established in this field to begin with? I’m looking at the viability of getting involved in the industry, and it seems like less of an uphill battle and more of a vertical climb. With no handholds, or equipment. If I had loads of money it would be different, but it definitely is not.

People used to make do back in the day, right? Forty years ago they would’ve just taken a video camera of some sort to a pest control person in Sorrento or wherever and just asked if they could film a bit of their work. Just…stuck the camera right in the dirt, where all the ants are going about their business. Maybe get an idea of if they’re termites or regular worker ants going about their day finding food.

Then those would be the base special effects for ‘Attack of the Fifty Foot Killer Ants’. People wouldn’t mind, because they didn’t live in a world full of special effects and lifelike CG. They’d be appropriately terrified because it was happening on the screen and accompanied by people overacting. We’re spoiled in this modern world, but still, it’s made the process a lot harder than it has to be.

Maybe I can do the same thing, find myself a pest control expert…and then pass it off as retro? People love that sort of thing nowadays. Silent films are back on the rise, and practical effects are SO in. I could find a pest control person in local Dandenong…and they might understand that my movie is actually pretty much aligned with their job. Product placement, basically.