No Aquatic Cars

Everyone can have their soaps and their other reality TV shows. Lizard’s Hut is all I really need. It’s a little more niche- much bigger in the UK, in fact- and it’s all about people bringing in their inventions, where they are ruthlessly judged and torn apart.

The open secret of the show is that no one ever actually receives funding: it’s actually just a stream of idiots filing past a group of incredibly aggressive judges, who then more kindly explain to the viewer the science behind their decisions. It’s actually very educational.

The latest inventing idiot who had their dreams crushed on international television wanted a car that could drive underwater. Now, one of the judges is a smart fellow who used to do auto electrical work in Bentleigh, just around the corner from where I live. He’s generally the one who deals with anything to do with cars, so obviously he tore the guy a new one and he ran away sobbing. We then received a very interesting lecture on why the idea wouldn’t work…obviously, auto-electrical was at the top of that list. Cars are not entirely waterproof; they can resist rain, but not being submerged. Even if you shore them up and insulate the engine against the water, there are still all kinds of issues- pressure, the exhaust, the lack of escape options in case of emergencies- that mean that an ordinary car made waterproof still isn’t going to work underwater.

So educational. Now I fully understand the deal behind why submarines are submarines, ships are ships, and cars are cars. Next time I go for a car service close to Bentleigh East, I’m going to remember this. Maybe I’ll quiz the mechanics on their opinions on aquatic cars. Hopefully they look at me like I’m the idiot, as they should.